Personality Tests for Couples: What to Take Together and How to Talk About the Results
Taking a personality test with your partner is a fun way to start a conversation you might not have otherwise. Why does one of you need a quiet evening after a busy week while the other wants to go out? Why does a late reply feel like nothing to one of you and like a big deal to the other? A good test gives you words for those differences.
This guide covers the three kinds of tests couples take most often: a personality type test (such as 16Personalities® or the MBTI), an attachment style quiz, and a relationship values test. For each one, you'll see what it can tell you, where it falls short, how to take it together, and questions to talk about afterward.
Disclosure: we make COUPPLY, an app for couples that includes these three kinds of tests, and we show how to use them at the end. COUPPLY isn't affiliated with 16Personalities® or the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. This article is for general information and isn't psychological or medical advice.
Key takeaways
- A personality test for couples works best as a conversation starter, not a verdict on whether you're compatible.
- Personality type tests (16Personalities®, MBTI) describe how you each think, decide, and recharge. They're popular, but they aren't clinical assessments.
- Attachment style describes how you each react to closeness, distance, and reassurance. It's a psychology framework, not a diagnosis, and it can change over time.
- A love values test shows what you each expect from a relationship, which is often where everyday friction comes from.
- Avoid using results to label or blame each other. Use them to ask "What do you need from me?"
Why couples take personality tests
Most couples don't take a personality test to find out whether they should stay together. They take it because it's interesting, and because it makes it easier to talk about things that are hard to bring up out of nowhere: how much time alone you need, how you react when you're worried, or what "being there for each other" means to you.
A result gives you something neutral to point at. "My result says I need time to think before I answer" is easier to say than "Stop pushing me in the middle of an argument." It moves the conversation from "you always" to "this is how I tend to work."
Can a couples compatibility test tell you if you're right for each other?
No test can tell you that. Many online "compatibility tests" compare your answers and give you a percentage, but a score like that can't account for how you two actually treat each other. Couples with very different personalities can do well, and couples who look alike on paper can still struggle.
What a test can do is show where you're alike and where you differ. Similarities are easy. Differences are where the useful conversations are: if one of you needs reassurance and the other needs space, knowing that ahead of time helps you meet in the middle instead of taking it personally.
Personality type tests: 16Personalities® and the MBTI
Personality type tests sort you into one of 16 types, shown as four letters such as INFP or ESTJ. The letters describe preferences: where you get your energy (introversion or extraversion), how you take in information, how you make decisions, and how you like to organize your life.
The two names you'll hear most are the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and 16Personalities®. They are separate tests from different organizations. 16Personalities® is free to take online and gives you a four-letter type in the same format the MBTI uses, plus a fifth letter (as in INFP-T) for an extra scale of its own.
What it's good for
- Understanding how each of you recharges, for example a night in versus a night out.
- Seeing why you make decisions differently, such as one of you going with logic and the other with how it feels.
- Planning together, when one of you likes everything decided and the other likes to keep options open.
Its limits
Type tests are popular, but they aren't clinical tools, and many personality researchers prefer trait-based models such as the Big Five, which measure each trait on a scale instead of sorting people into types. Your result can also change depending on your mood or situation when you take it. Treat your four letters as a starting point for "Does this sound like you?", not as a fixed description of who you are.
Attachment style quiz for couples
Attachment theory started with John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's work on how young children bond with caregivers. In 1987, the researchers Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver applied it to adult romantic relationships, and today adult attachment is often described on two dimensions: anxiety (how much you worry about being loved or left) and avoidance (how uncomfortable you are with closeness and depending on someone).
From those two dimensions, people are often described with four styles:
- Secure: comfortable with closeness and with time apart.
- Anxious: wants a lot of reassurance and may worry when a partner pulls back.
- Avoidant: values independence and may withdraw when things get too close.
- Fearful (fearful-avoidant): wants closeness but also fears it.
What it's good for
Attachment style is useful for couples because it explains patterns that show up in everyday moments: a slow reply to a text, a partner who goes quiet during an argument, or someone who needs to hear "I'm not going anywhere" more often. A common pattern is one partner reaching out more while the other pulls back, which can turn into a loop. Seeing the loop together is often the first step to breaking it.
Its limits
An online attachment style quiz is not a diagnosis. Your style is a tendency, it can look different in different relationships, and it can change over time. If attachment worries are causing real distress, or the same conflict keeps repeating, a licensed therapist or couples therapist can help in ways a quiz can't.
Relationship values test
A relationship values test, sometimes called a love values test or dating values test, asks what you expect from love rather than what kind of person you are. These differences tend to show up in daily life long before they show up in a personality type.
Topics couples often find they see differently include:
- How often you want to be in touch during the day
- How much time alone or with friends feels right
- What counts as jealousy, and what reassures you
- How you like to make up after a fight
- Money, family, and plans for the future
There's no right answer to any of these. Finding out that your view is less common doesn't mean it needs fixing. What helps is knowing which way each of you leans, so you can talk about it before it turns into a fight.
How to take the tests together
- Answer on your own first. Take the test separately so you answer honestly, not the way you think your partner expects.
- Answer as you are, not as you'd like to be. Think about how you usually act, especially when you're tired or stressed.
- Guess your partner's result. Before you compare, each of you guesses the other's type or answers. The gap between the guess and the real answer is often the most interesting part.
- Compare when you both have time. Pick a relaxed moment, not right after an argument.
- Talk about one difference at a time. You don't need to cover everything in one evening.
Questions to talk about your results
Use these as prompts. Pick two or three, not all of them.
- "Which part of your result sounds most like you? Which part doesn't?"
- "Was anything in my result a surprise to you?"
- "When you're stressed, what helps you most: talking it through, some time alone, or something else?"
- "After an argument, do you need space first, or do you want to talk right away?"
- "What's something small I do that makes you feel loved?"
- "Is there a moment when you needed reassurance but didn't ask for it?"
- "On which values question did we answer most differently? How do you think we could handle that?"
Listen more than you explain. The goal is to understand your partner's answer, not to defend your own.
Common pitfalls
- Using results as labels. "You're avoidant" ends a conversation. "It sounds like you need some space when things get heated" keeps it going.
- Using results as excuses. "That's just my type" doesn't mean you don't have to meet your partner halfway.
- Using results as ammunition. Bringing up your partner's result in the middle of a fight almost always makes it worse.
- Treating a mismatch as a deal-breaker. Different results are normal. What matters is how you handle the difference.
- Treating a quiz as therapy. If you keep having the same painful conflict, a couples therapist is a better next step than another test.
How to take personality tests together in COUPPLY
COUPPLY is an all-in-one app for couples on iPhone and Android. Its personalities and values feature has the three kinds of tests in this article, side by side, so you can see both of your results in one place.
- 16Personalities®: there's no test inside the app. You pick your type from a list, so take the test on the 16Personalities® website first if you don't know your type.
- Attachment style: 9 questions on a 7-point scale, from "Strongly disagree" to "Strongly agree." When you finish, you see your type along with your "Anxiety" and "Avoidance" levels, each from 0 to 100%.
- Love Values Test: a simple Q&A with 14 questions. Your answers are shown to your partner too.
Your results also shape the advice in the app. If your partner has set their 16Personalities® type, you'll see tips on how to support them when they share a negative mood, and the counselor can give advice that takes both of your personalities into account.
Steps
- Download COUPPLY on both phones and connect as a couple.
- Tap the user widget on the Home screen to open your user page. You can also get there from Settings (the gear icon at the top right of the Home screen).
- Open "Personality & values" and choose your 16Personalities® type, take the attachment style test, or start the Love Values Test.
- Ask your partner to do the same. You'll both see each other's results.
Good to know:
- Your partner sees your results, and for the Love Values Test, the answers you've given so far are shared even if you haven't finished.
- Your partner doesn't get a push notification. Adding or updating results is recorded in the Timeline, so it's a good idea to tell them when you've finished.
- You can retake each test or change your answers at any time.
FAQ
What is the best personality test for couples?
There isn't one best test. A personality type test such as 16Personalities® shows how each of you tends to think and recharge, an attachment style test shows how you each react to closeness and distance, and a values test shows what you each expect from love. Taking more than one and talking about them together tells you more than any single result.
Can a compatibility test tell us if we're right for each other?
No. A test can show where you're alike and where you differ, but it can't predict whether your relationship will work. How you handle differences, talk through conflict, and look out for each other matters more than matching types.
Is 16Personalities the same as the MBTI?
No. 16Personalities® is a free online test that gives you a four-letter type in the same format the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) uses, but they are separate tests from different organizations. Neither is a clinical assessment.
Can your attachment style change?
Attachment style is a tendency, not a fixed label, and it can shift with experiences and relationships over time. A quiz result is a snapshot. If attachment worries are causing real distress, a licensed therapist or couples therapist can help.
Can my partner see my results in COUPPLY?
Yes. In COUPPLY, both of your results are visible to each other. For the Love Values Test, the answers you've given so far are shared even if you haven't finished it.
Will my partner be notified when I take a test in COUPPLY?
No push notification is sent. Adding or updating your results is recorded in the Timeline, so your partner can see it there. You can retake each test or change your answers at any time.
Summary
A personality test for couples won't tell you whether you're meant to be, and it doesn't have to. A type test shows how you each think and recharge, an attachment style quiz shows how you each handle closeness and distance, and a values test shows what you each expect from love. The real value comes from talking about the results with curiosity instead of judgment.
If you'd like to keep both of your results in one place, alongside your shared calendar, chats, and photos, try COUPPLY for free.
